Judgement is not a useless quality. Having a good sense of it allows you to work out for yourself who it is that you will get along with, who you can trust in friendships and in business, and who is likely to be loyal. To some extent it is understandable that judgement is a part of the way people tend to think. Imagine if you had no power to judge at all. You would not be able to tell the difference between Hitler and Jesus, and would judge and admire them both equally.
Having said that it seems to be the case that judgement can be used in a negative and harmful way. Whilst it is true that you must decipher likeable and trustable personalities, there is definitely no need to judge people harshly. All forms of useless judgement should be removed from your thought process as soon as possible. Here are some examples:
- Judging people for what they are wearing, their style, or their looks.
- Judging their capability in a certain area because of gender, size, or race.
- Deciding whether someone is a good match for someone else, or whether a couple are suitable.
- Picking out negative qualities in people all of the time, even your best friends.
- Dictating to other people who they should like, and why.
- Judging people for their beliefs, religion, values, or interests.
- Always having an opinion on the lives, and life events of other people.
The list could go on, but by now you have probably got the message; there are many ways to use judgement in a negative way. Nearly everyone is guilty of judging other people from time-to-time. What is important is that you recognize the behavior as being negative, and take steps to stop it.
So Why Do People Judge Each Other?
The main reason why people judge each other, whether they know it or not, is because of their own insecurities. You judge people harshly primarily to feel better about yourself, feel socially elevated, or to cover up your own feeling of deficiency or inadequacy. This is further fueled by the media and constant advertisements that are designed to highlight perpetrated flaws in order to sell products.
Your Judgement Comes Back At You
When you judge someone harshly you create further insecurity in yourself, because you create a standard that you cannot uphold. For example, If you constantly judge people for what they wear, then you create a situation where you have to feel like you look perfect; to look any less than perfect would make you a hypocrite by your own standards. If you judge people who show emotions, then you create for yourself a world where you, by your own standards of judgement, cannot show emotions.
In other words, when you judge other people, you create a vulnerable state in yourself; one that is constantly worried about being judged. It comes right back at you!
Break The Cycle
The only way to stop this cycle, and to feel liberated from the feeling of constantly judging and being judged, is to stop being so harsh and critical. You need to reserve your judgements for their true purpose; to determine who is trustable and likeable, not as a way of putting people down and creating unattainable standards.
Every time you catch yourself judging people harshly, take a step back and think… “why did I just say that?” Ponder your own need to judge in that moment, and see if you can somehow relate it back to yourself. If you are judging someone for a personality trait, does it reflect a denied part of yourself? Then, proceed to think something positive about that person; a trait you like, an item of clothing, a cute interaction they had with their other half, something attractive about them, and something that you can admire.
They key to overcoming the urge to judge other people lies in this mantra:
Each to their own.